Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
