yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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