why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
