Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
