dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
