people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize