we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
