I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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