I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
