At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
