she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize