running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
