we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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