im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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