Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
