You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
