God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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