The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
