you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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