After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
