Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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