In the future we'll all be gay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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