is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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