I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
