who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
