And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
