i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
