Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
