Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
