The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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