I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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