You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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