she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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