She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
