I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
