Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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