Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
