My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
