i don't like sucking hair
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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