I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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