you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
