Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
