Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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