Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
