I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
