my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
