Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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