does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
