The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
