either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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