make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
