So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
