i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize