I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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