I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
