i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
