$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
