Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
