It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
