i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
