Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
