Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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