Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
