is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
