I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
