U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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