I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
