my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
