I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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